thinking too much.......

Well as I do always I have been thinking too much lately just driving myself crazy! My son was just on vacation with his dad and step mom and step sister, for 14 days!!!!! Way too long but he had a GREAT time! when he got home he explained to me that he doesn't belong with me because I am not a family! OMG my heart broke right in two! I'm not a family the thought kept racing through my head....... Finally I said the only thing I could think of "your my family" he looked at me and i could tell he knew I was upset so he left the room! What do I do he wants to be a part of a family..... I know exactly how he feels I wanted the same thing as I was growing up. What do I do? What do I say? Beyond all that my best friend and I don't talk much any more.... ROBB what happened to us? he moved to CALI and now the distance between us is almost too much to handle! I miss going to all the different diners we could find, and our all night drives to no-where at all, the nights out at woody's (Dancing), drinking "is that it? That's the whole drink?" "Hurry up I'm gonna miss the ball drop!" every friday shopping for a new shirt for dress down day. Starbucks, Cheeseburgers, omeletts, sausages.......... "clickety, clickety, clickety!" things I will never forget! OK another thing on my mind lately is how all I really want is to be able to go HOME and talk to my MOM............ Why is it we always want the impossible? I was told as a child that I could be anything I wanted to be...... I answered to my step dad can I be president? His response was heart breaking...... " A woman president, you have to be kidding, The world would go straight to HELL!" So after that I stopped thinking about what I wanted now it seams as thought everything I want is impossible. I drive by my old house all the time and look at the lights on inside and wonder if the people living there are as happy as we were in that house..... But it's only a house after all right? I am finally getting serious about getting my own place again!! I have to get out on my own again and have the simple freedom to be myself and say exactly what I want to say when I want to say it. Not having to hold back or worry about anyone else! I have lost touch with myself I guess..... The easiest way to put it is I need to think about myself and my son and that's it! OR is that too harsh? I want to get out and in my own place with all my own things..... I am still with JERRY things are so good.... we never fight and he is so sweet! I love him WOW in such a short time I have fallen in love..... I didn't think I could "I wasn't meant to be happy or have someone to share things with" I convinced myself of that a while ago..... Jerry is so different from the guys I have dated in the past! I have only dated one other person younger than me and it was a disaster.... I always say the age thing dosen't bother me, But I am realizing that I bring it up alot. Never in a negative way I think it's just because everyone else always makes an issue of it I expect that kind of a response! I truly have never been so happy in a relationship! So comfortable! And felt so loved! The way he touches me, the way he talks to me, the way he looks at me, the things he says, and most of all the way he makes me feel about myself! He never makes me feel bad about myself not about anything. I hope i make him feel the same way!

IF tomorrow never comes: I would enjoy all my memories
IF yesterday kept repeating it's self: I would do it different every day
IF I had to be an animal: I would choose a kola bear
IF I could go anywhere in the world: I'd go to Australia
IF I won the lottery: I would buy a house
IF I could help someone: I would
IF I needed help I could turn to:????????????
Who can you turn to if you really needed help? most say their parents, what if they were gone? I have learned to be dependent of only myself.......... If someone wants to share my life they should know I come off as a bit controlling but really it's my way of staying independent!
I am such a simple person............. OR AM I?